profile

It's true that I'm a Couch Dweller and the Goddess of Sloth, but that doesn't mean I'm a consumer of junkfood or viewer of television programming. Yes. My tv is almost always on when I'm home, but it's probably a movie, practically never a sitcom, illuminating the room. My television is really just a movie projection box.

My habitual behavior to do with a television set started sprawled on the couch next to my brother. Horizontal kickboxing was our favorite sport. Every afternoon after school we watched The Big Show. It was local programming, most often a horror film, usually something old and black and white. Vincent Price was big on The Big Show. I learned to watch movies peering over the top of a throw pillow. If the movie wasn't creepy enough to inspire nightmares, my brother's special effects did. Once, my eyes never leaving the screen, I reached into his offered bowl of pre-chewed potato chips. I was off afternoon snacks for life. His brand of bad boy humor would either make me laugh till I cried, or induce vomiting.

Fastforward to a different (crumb-free) couch... Lying in state, hands crossed over breasts (remote slipping between the cushions, cat biting wiggling toes) marveling at this work of art I'm watching -- which is not a movie! -- about sex and religion and death, it occurs to me...and I confess it here. Upon my demise I'd like to make a detour off the road to eternity...a deviation in both senses of the word...a stop off at the set of HBO's series, Six Feet Under. There, the cast and writers (quirky and beautiful, all) will have their way with my mortal remains. Sex is my greatest pleasure in life; let it be so in death.

Why didn't I immediately recognize that the opening music for the show was written by Thomas Newman (American Beauty)? He and Alan Ball together again, and doing television!? Oh, wait. It's HBO.

Tonight: Paint my toenails blood red. Tomorrow I'm meeting someone new.

previous / next